I'm doing paper work

Paper is my great companion from the first days of my life and I suppose it will be with me to the end. Why is it so special or if it's special at all - I really don't know but everything what I do is connected with paper. The whole my bloody life turn around a paper and now I can see it quite clearly that paper means something to me.

When I was a little girl I used a paper to draw pictures which went straight from my flourish imagination. At that time I didn't know yet how important a paper become to me but despite that keeping in a one hand a sheet of paper and in the other a pencil or a crayon it was giving me some power and let me feel to be special. It's like a desire to create something challening and lift to the world the veil of secrecy of yourself. Yes, I think I was an exceptional little girl who got something absolutly precious - PAPER.

Looking to the past and judging from what I was doing I can find out about myself that papers keeps me alive. Whatever it means it's true. Books, newspapers, diaries, copybooks at school all this tons of paper creates my life. How many paper I've managed to read already? How much money I spent on it? How much knowledge I gained? Honestly, I don't know but it doesn't matter. Paper is a loyal companion of life.

So now I'm doing paper work - absolutly back-breaking job! I wish I would do it the rest of my life. Yeah, about 150 photocopies of leaflets, sorting out files and rewritting somebody's scribble by typing. Yeah, this job is shaping my life now and it's going to be a perfect form. When I was working as a journalist and writing some articles I sometimes thought that I'm forced to write down some gibberish and my paper doesn't deserve such an outspoken mishmash. Was I complaining - no, just doing what I was supposed to do and be paid for it.

Now, I'm also doing my paper work without any word of complain and focusing onmy task with perfection. Yes, just this way - because paper demands perceftion, involvment and gratitude. So my gratitude to this job is big. Amen.

Life is a journey

I have found something what inspires me and what is a real truth about a life and a whole ours existence.

"Over the years, I have discovered life is a journey, a pilgrimage, a sacred adventure. Within everyone’s inner solitude, there is that bright and warm hearth where the spirit dwells waiting to be roused. There are many paths to enlightenment, their teachings rich and varied offering wisdom and “food for thought” and everything we need for our journey to awakening lies within us. In the beginning, spirituality appears like the bud on a bloom, opening gradually, tempting us with a glimpse of its splendor and unfathomable depths. It is here we create the blueprint of our collective existence.

Each of us from time to time experience crises from different life changing events and transitions, all unpredictable moments arriving and intruding into our “well groomed” lives. We didn’t ask for this interference and we wonder why it has arrived bringing with it havoc and confusion. BUT no matter what the source, each crisis has a common bond…a threshold. A holy summons inviting us to cross a threshold involving both a leaving behind and a stepping toward.

During these times of roadblocks, dead ends and detours, we often choose to ignore that inner calling. Transformation takes an enormous amount of trust in the voice that urges us to take note. We need to pay attention and ask ourselves what is it we are being summoned to learn? Has the time arrived to push past our comfort zone and begin the slow process of transformation? Are we ready to accept responsibility for our life choices and embark on this soulful journey? Many of us have learned to be afraid of the feelings inside of ourselves. We tend to bury or ignore them. Perhaps even run from them pretending they don’t exist. We cannot deceive ourselves! Until we claim and embrace these “unwanted” pieces of our shadow, they will continue to resurface, haunting us and making their presence known, one way or another.

The invitation to re-kindle our authentic self wears many disguises and often arrives in some of the most unexpected ways and always with a revelation. Life passages can mystify and overwhelm us, causing pain and grief. It is frightening to veer off the well-worn path, better known as our “comfort zone.” But if we are willing to take the time to acknowledge and reflect on each passage, they can bestow wisdom and knowledge expanding our vision of our authenticity.

Celebrating, mourning or wrestling with a life passage is an extraordinary act. Slow down and be in touch with your feelings. Be kind and loving to yourself. Act from your spirit and heart and don’t forget to breathe!" Nancy Tabah Whynott

I don't like Mondays

It's Monday the beginning of new week. There's any sunshine on the sky, any promising news including post, mails and messages, any gut feelings how this week could be. Nothing, just dead silence when I was geeting up from bed. ' Have a lovely day' I said to myself and made a nice mug of tea.

I wish I was on holiday right now, just lying on a sandy beach in my bikini with sunglasses on and taking a sunbathe. Yeah, sometimes dreams come true. One day I will get up inside my dream and it will be a wonderful day but it's time to wake up. It's Monday, 24th of August , five days after my 29th birthday which reminded me that I'm getting older and I still haven't set up a right goal in my life apart from education, job, family what constitute a goal for almost everybody so it looks like it's not a goal but rather a natural way of life. I wish I would put the course of my life in certain direction.

It's nearly 11.30 so it's a good time to start blogging. The reason is quite obvious: why don't write down what happens in my life? Why don't write down all turmoils in my life? Writing keeps me more alive than I really am, just pumping blood to the cells of my brain is like a fresh breath of air shortly after a thunderstorm. Yeah, it's a nice feeling;)

Honestly, when I was in a High School I was writing every day about totally everything. It was a kind of way I used to be at that time to commit my thoughts and feelings to paper. I liked reading it as well and I was thinking about all what happened in my life, considering what could happen or how I can change the course of my life. It fascinated me, this awarness that we human beings are responsible for our lives and every step we make creates our history. Of course at that time I was very young, unexperienced and full of ideas about life what changed after some incidents, but I still believe that we can be masters of our lot.